The Coaching Approach to Communication
I would like to share three core principles which summarises what I call the coaching approach – a way of communicating that empowers someone else to make choices that are authentic for them:
Advice
Oscar Wilde said, “The best thing to do with good advice is to pass it on; it is never of any use to oneself.”
This principle to me seems the essence of coaching – no one likes unsolicited advice, although we all love to provide it! Therefore, coaching questions need to encourage someone to advise themselves just like they would offer advice to someone else.
Agenda
However, there is a ‘creative tension’ in this, as repeated questioning on the same topic can also be a form of manipulation – a way of steering someone to your way of thinking in a covert way.
So often our agenda can simply be that someone should follow our own choices, as that unconsciously validates our own path in life.
This then forms the second approach to coaching, which is a belief from the coach, that someone else is best placed to make decisions about their own life – the coach needs to ‘suspend’ their own agenda.
Process
Once the client is in the driving seat and you have suspended your own agenda, what do you do next?
This is where the saying in coaching, ‘The presenting problem is never the real problem’ comes into its own.
NLP has tools and a structure that can give you the right questions to ask so the client gains awareness of their ‘real’ underlying issue. There are also powerful approaches to deliver lasting change. Just like playing a musical instrument, once you have mastered these NLP coaching ‘chords’ – you can then improvise and combine these questions and principles to gain an amazing new coaching repertoire.
Conclusion
Coaching requires a formal agreement between client and coach so the coaching approach needs to be used thoughtfully in day-to-day communications.
However, for any relationship, personal or professional, the right question at the right time can be truly transformative and a great gift.
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LinkedIn: Robbie Steinhouse
